Diary of Jahana Locksley, sharpshooter
by JuliaMaluca
Summary: The following „audio diary" is based on the character of Jahana Locksley, sniper in Christopher Odd's XCOM 2 Let's Play. Jahana was created by me, and it is a nice tradition of Chris' fans to roleplay their characters. It gets better. The story „An Odd Bunch Of Soldiers" by AllForFire is also based on Chris' Let's Play and – losely – on this diary. Check out the LP, it's awesome!


Episode 3, 6.2.16

(derisive) A burning ghetto, that's our next mission. What do they expect us to do there? Piss the flames out and slit the throats of those too wounded to live? Though we might get lucky and a few ADVENTS will still be around. We'll see.

(pause)

(thoughtful) Got asked how I call my gun. (short laugh) Well, first of all, **I** don't call that a gun. It's a boomstick with some fancy paintjob. I really hope the resistance gets some better weapons soon, because otherwise this new war will be over quickly.

(pause)

(thoughtful) Well, how **would** I call a gun? Hm.

Episode 4, 6.2.16

(shouting) FUCK. THAT! (crashing)

(pause)  
(calmer). Right. Sure. Yeah. They really *do* raise the dead to fight against us. And because of Commander Chick here, we did have a lot of dead around us.

(pause)  
Okay, that was unfair. Sorry. It all... it just reminded me a lot of things I have forgotten. Home. The smell of burning people. Screaming and shooting and ... too much.  
He also keeps calling me Kingsley. That sucks, too.

Right. Urban warfare is only fun with no civilians around, that's for sure. We saved a few. More than I anticipated, given the time we needed to arrive and kill the aliens and advents. That feels... good. Surprisingly good.

(pause) I'm getting used to the other soldiers. Singer nearly took the German's head off with one of her shots. He didn't even comment. That guy is hardcore. I just hope no one saw us advancing from tree stump to tree stump - they'd call us the Tree Huggers at base in no time...

I admit that I would have preferred not to see aliens on the roof and us on the ground, but we managed. (bitter laugh) "We". Nope. The others, throwing grenades like sweets left-right-and-center. The Pious even scrambled up the roof right and got right into the guy's face.

(pause) (chuckle) Pious. Fuck. That guy must have his balls frozen somewhere in space to be that cool. He got two of those... molten ... creatures ... breathing down on him.

And I missed again. He would have died without Singer's help. I couldn't hit anything when it mattered. I'll SO going to live at the range until I am good enough!

(pause)

The quartermaster's help asked me why I needed a razor. Hello? Civilization? (chuckle) He's cute, though. Maybe next time I just show him...

Episode 5, 6.2.16

I hope I wiped out the black mark now. Missed one shot, but hit the long ones. Next five days on the gun range. Other than that, it was a nice mission, in and out and pretty smooth. Got a promotion, by the way. I wonder if that makes any kind of difference on this ship.

I wonder if the snipers are all female by design. And if so, why?

(voices in the background). Again? Oh well. Yeah, I'll be down in five.

New mission. Geez. I'd really love to sleep in once per month!

Episode 6, 7.2.16

I'm so tired. I really have not much to say. We got out to secure supplies and it worked out nicely, despite the stun lancers and the robot. I'm too tired to worry much about those right now. Love the new scope I got. It throws the gun's balance a bit, but not as bad as I would have thought.

Tomorrow I'll goand take a tour through the ship. High time to get a grip on the layout, just in case...

Episode 7, 7.2.16

(tired) I will never ever again whine to be left behind. It SUCKS to be left behind when your squad leaves. But I'm wounded and it hurts, because honestly, XCOM isn't as well equipped with painkillers as it is with paincausers. On the last five yards, also! (groan).

We did well with this mission, though. Had to quickly grab some traitor-slash-VIP and ran into a snake. I remember seeing those sometimes during riots, but they are pretty rare. Pretty fast, too. Was fun shooting it.

Was more or less the only thing I was shooting. I sometimes get the feeling that I'm more the rear guard and my job is to count the bangs while sitting half a mile away. Maybe Nora will get more chances on her mission.

Episode 8, 7.2.16

Singer is dead. Samantha Reed. I need to remember that. I have not yet asked for the details, and I was at medbay when it happened, so no one told me right away. But from what I gathered, it was slow and painful. People coming into my life, being there for a few days or weeks or months, and then gone... will it always be like that? I can't remember a single human being that has been with me, been a part of my life, for longer than a year. I wonder how it would feel to lose someone after so long.

Episode 9, 8.2.16

(groan) Shower. HOT shower. What a wonderful invention. Missions ankle-deep in snow are not my favorite. I also need some sunglasses when we get dropped into snow next time, the glare really hurt my eyes when the sun came out. I could tell the others had similar problems.

AND my hair is singed off on one side. I look like shit.

First time I saw a Faceless come out of a person. Or ... was the person and turned itself inside out. It looked horrible, anyways. I hope it's not contagious!

Episode 11, 9.2.16

That was fun today. We were playing on the train tracks and picked off Advents and aliens pretty easily, although shooting through trees is not as easy as I thought. That's the problem when you got orders to stay behind and shoot from a mile away... Things got a bit tight for Aeneas, but overall it was a very relaxed mission.

I start to find it a bit frightening how much fun I have shooting aliens. I mean, I grew up around them. I was a model citizen. Okay, until they arrested me, but before that. And now... I don't know. That's a side of me that I really didn't expect.

Episode 13, 10.2.16

(rapid) It was bad. Bad bad bad. We landed right in the middle. Not a minute of peace, vipers and mutons and sectoids everywhere. Aeneas is out for a long time, he got right into the crossfire. They also took over his mind, though just briefly. I didn't know they could do that. I wonder...

(pause)

They all piled up inside the house where the thing was that we had to retrieve. A regular shitty pile-up. Damn. Bad. Bad bad bad. I failed so many times... I have a problem. I don't know. Maybe I just ... can't... right now. I'm endangering my squad.

(hysterical laughter)

Yeah. I'm a good little soldier like that.

Episode 14, 10.2.16

(rough voice) Things are getting from bad to worse. The mission was to save civilians. Some kind of shantytown, messy, no high ground, fire and smoke and trees... . Mutons, vipers, troopers, faceless. I really wonder why the aliens don't just nuke those places instead of sending single soldiers in. Dog got hit hard. That berserker breathed into his face and kinda... slapped him nearly dead. He's alive, thanks to the Flying Buddy, but won't be on a mission any time soon.

It just didn't *end*!

(pause)

I think I know what I need now. I hope I'll get it.

Episode 15, 11.02.16

Just came back from a pretty neat mission. We got lucky with the drop point - and later unlucky with the rest - and retrieved the information we needed quite easily. Flying Buddy did his job. It's good that we had so many grenades, those things are useful! But no one got wounded, I count that in our favor.

(chuckle) I admit that I nearly pissed my undies when the Old Timer turned against us. I like his gun, but only from the other side. I'm glad we got him under control fast. He probably wouldn't have forgiven himself if he'd wounded or killed one of us.

(pause)  
I wonder if we would have had to kill him.

The Commander still calls me Kingsley. One day, I swear, one lucky day!

Episode 16, 11.2.16

We did well this time. I love sitting on a roof and taking out aliens. (laugh) Ha. Maybe I should really think about that statement. I'm having *far* too much fun here.

The guy we had to rescue was pretty cool for the fact that we had nearly everything in our face that Advent could throw at us. But I guess you have to be somewhat hardcore to even contact the resistance. I've heard talks that things look bad, that the Avenger is the last real resistance left at all. Not sure if true or not, but there have been no statements from Command to silence the rumours. Things will get ugly if we get caught alive, I know that for sure...

(male voice in the background)  
(movement)  
(chuckle) Did I mention the quartermaster's help? I decided to finally sit him on Fire.

(the following sounds recorded are not suitable for transkription).

Episode 17, 12.2.16

Just came back from a mission. From the moment we stepped on the battlefield, we were under fire. There was this weird armored muton, and shielders, and turrets and mecs... Did I mention that I hate fighting robots? I do.

We advanced far too slowly, with reinforcements dropping by every few minutes. At least, that's what it felt like. And then, there were vipers, and more mutons, and soldiers... Fuck. This time it got really, really close to being a failure.

Nora was with us on the mission. She is good, hit a fair lot of her shots even without the gadgets I have on my rifle. Her technique is a bit different. I need to ask her if she's willing to come to the range with me one day and show me her tricks. Our job was to destroy that relay from way back and we did it. She's a good shot.

And we nearly lost Kannibale. I didn't really care much about Samantha, but Mayu? Seeing him on the ground like that, that was bad. I don't want him dead. He would be dead without the Flying Buddy.

Infernal got a lot of the fire, too. Those vipers really focused on him. When he's out of medbay, I'll ask him how they feel. Are they cold? Warm? Scratchy?

On second thought, maybe I shouldn't ask him. He got stunned and beaten up and poisoned - I don't think he'd appreciate curiosity. I remember how awfully those stuns hurt when they used us for training. Whoa, no. I am glad I was far away from that bastard.

Episode 18, 13.2.16

(agitated) This was the *raddest* mission I have ever been on, been told about or have imagined. My head's still spinning. We had to infiltrate this ... factory... where the aliens kept about a hundred humans in tanks. Ugh, I still can't get that stench out of my nose!

I had heard stories from the early days that the aliens had abducted humans in order to learn to communicate with us, but I wonder why they still do it. I mean, they have whole cities at their disposal now, people queueing for genetic treatment. They surely don't have to abduct anyone in order to get genetic material for enhancements any more, do they?

Maybe we should have bombed that place, or at least the tanks. Whoever those people in there are or were, I think they'd prefer to be dead.

Things got nasty when Aeneas got hit, and then we had mecs and a whole knot of vipers and mutons of all imaginable colours. Oh yeah, AND we had to fight inside a building, where a sniper is as useful as a fork for soup!

Note to myself, visit Aeneas in medbay. Might as well set up squad camp there if things continue as they go.

I had to get back in and grab some kind of container with whatever the aliens were doing there, while the squad got to the evac zone. I was so afraid that I'd drop the damned thing! When Shen piped up about radioactive readings, I nearly lost it. Nice of them to check *before* we got close to the vial.

I'm happy to have the new one in, Nicholas. He's a cool guy and a good shot. Hope he'll be on a few more missions. He earned his promotion ten times over!

Oh, and I've been told that I sometimes sound like a sulky child over the intercom. I need to check that. That would be massively embarrassing.

Episode 19, 14.2.16

Another supply raid, another success. But it is getting harder. I swear Advent was waiting for us, we barely had time to reload, let alone get decent positions. And why not? They are superior intelligent beings, of course they will set traps for XCOM, now that the resistance is gaining strength. But there were real supplies, so maybe we just had bad luck.

There was also some kind of experiment we had to do on an Advent officer. Not sure what is was all about, but I prefer to kill them outright instead of playing around.

Nora's got a promotion, finally, and Luce. If he insists on me saluting to him, I'll kick him. Hard.

Infernal, Skinner and Pious are back. I'm glad about it, I missed them. Taking out squaddies on missions is all nice and dandy, but I prefer to have some veterans around.

Episode 20, 13.2.16

Man, what a mess. I wish I would like alcohol, because then I'd be dead drunk now. Fighting in half-cover on a burning building with Central shouting in our ears to get going. Yay. Life.

Okay, that's my job now. Funny, actually. I was never pegged as a soldier back in the orphanage. And now I'm flying around in a stolen alien ship with some of the best human soldiers that are still alive, under the command of a guy who, from what Bradford told us, is kind of a legend in his own right. (laugh) I had other dreams as a child, I can tell you that!

Some of us are wounded again. And we *were* lucky, there were far too many close calls this time. At least Luce got this experiment done that we had to do last time already. Apparently he didn't get a chance then. I don't know if what he did caused this weird glittery lady-alien to appear or not, but between a grenade and Elfrank, it didn't have much of a chance.

In the end, we got whatever we had to get from that terminal, and we made it out alive. That's all what matters, isn't it? The numbers at the end: how many wounded, how many killed. Who cares about the rest. We write history here. The only question left is if we will be heroes or villains.

Episode 21, 15.2.16

A night-time mission in the middle of nowhere. I got distracted a few times. I haven't seen so many stars ever back in the city, and the Avenger doesn't have windows. It was beautiful. I wish we had a bit more time to enjoy it. A sleeping bag by a campfire, something like that. That would have been nice.

There were a few really weird things happening on this mission. We had two more of those hologram-glittery alien ladies, and I'm halfway convinced that they were actually just one which split when I hit it. Which is a very scary thought, because when we are on overwatch, we don't have time to pull a shot for the glittery alien. We see movement and we shoot. Which might mean that one overwatch could give us potentially four or more of those if enough of us hit.

This is so insane. I actually can't really wrap my brain around that idea. Especially since they seem to have some kind of AOE energy weapon. We are in over our heads if those things are now wherever we go!

I got a neat new armor to get on rooftops more easily. Maybe I should have mentioned to the Commander that I'm afraid of heights.

Episode 22, 15.02.16

(groan) It's half past three in the morning. *He snores*! Tomorrow he'll sleep in his own bed again, I swear!

Right. What happened since last time? Well, we got sent out again to save one of those rebellion camps. It was easier this time to ignore the dead ones. And the screams, and the fire. Okay, well, a bit easier.

I'm not sure I really understand why those people chose to live like they do. I get why XCom fights, some remember the invasion and others tag along. But these ... civilians? What have they to gain from living like animals? They have no weapons, no defense, nothing. No civilization. It's like they *want* to be slaughtered, out there in the open. This is totally insane.

I'm glad Mayu's back from his extended training. He's different now. More focused, more intense. He's always been right at the front, and now he's got this kind of energy that people want to follow him no matter what. It's fascinating to see him evolve.

Episode 23, 16.02.16

I wonder who is coming up with the mission code names. "Choking Feast", honestly, do they just draw words from a pot and combine them?

I received poisonous ammunition. I' not sure what to think about that. It's not as if I couldn't kill enemies without them. And who guarantees that the poison is really lethal to aliens? What if it makes them stronger?

Oh well. One way to find out, only.

It's interesting that the aliens now send new ... creatures... against us whenever we go out. First the glittery codex-thing, and today there was this flying torso. At first I thought they had somehow grafted a human on a floating device, but up close there were lines on his - its - body that looked more robot-like. That thing was scary and fast as hell, nearly killed Infernal. I hate seeing my squadmates getting wounded every time!

I wonder why they created that torso to look as it does. I actually wonder if it *is* a robot or alive. It sounded like an officer, though, so maybe it is alive inside the robot? But the way it looks like can't be accidental, the aliens don't do anything by accident. Maybe there's a connection to the time before the invasion. I don't know enough about human culture from Before to know that. No one to ask, though. It's hard enough to not slip up in front of the squad.

Episode 24, 17.02.16

(quietly) It was so bad this time that the Commander himself welcomed us home. Right from the start we ran into a mech, vipers, that new floating robot - and that was the easy part. We got pinned down hard, and we were under time pressure and had to rescue some lady while reinforcements rained down around us. Is one single human really worth all that?

On the other hand, Advent worked hard to keep us from saving that woman. So maybe she knows something really valuable. I really hope so. If I ever learn that she was a blank, I'll kill her.

Episode 25, 17.02.16

Once again we got dropped right into the middle of several alien and advent pods. We were literally on the other side of our target, and it took us a long time to get there. The aliens threw another new creature at us, some kind of piloted robot that shoots acid. Kannibale, Pious and Luce are in the medbay with severe burns.

I don't know why we still take Luce out with us. He's been totally distracted for several missions now. He needs a shrink, not an assignment.

Episode 26, 18.2.16

I admit that I prefer fighting aliens in an open field. And man, was this field open! It was a real joy to work there, although only for me. The others got hurt again. I start to feel... well, not really ashamed or guilty, but ... uncomfortable that I'm always at the very back and not getting hurt. It's like I don't even really fight. I try doubly hard to clear the field for the others from my position, just to prove myself a part of the squad and not just some chick in the back with a big gun.

We weren't under time pressure this time, which was good. Took us a while to get to the target. But hey, last time I complained hat we got dropped into the middle of a mess, so I really should make up my mind.

I'm good. On nearly every mission. Why am I fighting so hard to destroy those who have raised me?

Episode 27, 20.2.16

(quiet) I can't sleep. When I close my eyes, I see the... darkness... the sectoid put into me. When it took my mind, I was back in time, but not really. I had no doubts any more about my mission, no remorse. My mission was to kill XCOM, and I intended to prove myself worthy. I wanted to live, and that meant to kill humans. It didn't matter to me. I would have done anything. They say it was Daniel who killed the sectiod. Just in time. I can still see his eyes through my scope. He would have been my first target.

(pause)

All the months aboard the Avenger, ever since they pulled me out of the transport. Gone. Unimportant. Friends, squadmates, lovers, they were all just a forgotten dream. I was, again, who I was supposed to be. Who I *would have been* if I hadn't come to the Avenger.

I reported what happened, of course. Dr Tygan wanted me to do some psychological analysis. Yeah, thanks, no. I've got too much to hide to let anyone in my head!

(pause)

You know what we need here? Medals. Luce told me about those things, small trinkets that show other people how good you are. I know someone who would need a *box* to carry all his medals around. Though showing all of them would take quite a while.

But not for Skinner. This fucking skulljack! Really, what the hell was he thinking? He just ran ahead and hacked the officer, but without sight of anything. Why do we have scouts? "Important intel", yeah, fuck that, you can't un-fuck-up a mission with intel!

I wonder how that mission looked like for Central. I know they monitor the AO, but it's probably infrared or something like that. Did they see me turn? Ugh, what a mess. I don't want the others to stop trusting me at their back. But right now, not even I trust me...

Episode 28, 21.2.16

Who would have thought that - these piloted robots, Andromedons, can climb ladders. That was a nasty surprise. Apart from the Archon, all our enemies have been pretty ground floor so far. The rooftops aren't safe any more, and that worries me. It means we - Nora and I - will have to guard our backs even up high now. Shit.

Other than that, things went smoothly. Or as smoothly as things can go at the moment. None of us was wounded and the mission was a success. I don't ask for much more than that.

Oh, and I'm starting to worry about the Commander. First he calls me Kingsley all the time and now he calls Nora "Locksley". Nora was pissed! She wasn't too fond of being out with me instead of alone, anyways. She might be right. I'm still not totally convinced that the darkness from the last mission is gone. I keep waiting for the sectoid's will in my head again. I know it is dead. But is it gone?

Episode 29, 21.02.16

Just came back from medbay. John, Luce and Kannibale are badly wounded again. Luce is the luckiest fucker on this whole ship, though. How many times did he *nearly* got killed? Five times, six? Wow. We met what Central called "heavy resistance" at the supply spot. Of course Advent knows that these supply trains are tempting for us. The aliens and advents kept coming. There was just no minute of rest. And they were fast! I wonder if they improved their troops against us. Kannibale and Luce had to be evacuated, and honestly, John could have done with a rescue as well. I didn't do very well this time. I missed shots. I need to spend less time with... I mean, in bed, and more at the range.

The Commander has ordered one of the guys to undergo experimentation. That brought back memories, too. When the sectoids, the large ones, came to the orphanage to test us and take some with them. That testing was painful. I hope whatever the Commander does is not as bad. We are playing with things that we cannot possibly understand. I am not sure it is a good idea.

Episode 30, 22.2.16

(pause, with irregular clicking tap-tap-tap)

I'm so much in trouble, I don't even have words for it. I honestly didn't know Skinner meant what he said in reverse. Really, how should I have known? I asked him if I could take it, and he said "I dare you!" So I did. And then back at base he shouted at me.

He said he would report me to Polo. Who will shout at me, too. That's unfair! I only took one tooth! I mean, I wanted a jaw, or even better, a skull! Luce said they all took souvenirs from the battlefield when he first fought for XCOM. And now Polo will shout at me, only because-

(male voice in the background) Stop whining! You screwed up. Deal with it!

(sigh) Yes SIR! Right.

Where was I? Ah yes, we had to protect another village from the aliens. We were expecting trouble and came prepared - for the wrong thing. We expected robots and got these chryssalid things. They are pretty neat, actually. At least when they are dead. Their teeth are cool. (tap-tap) But fighting them is pure shit, because they burrow underground and can come up anywhere. Luce said they were there already for the invasion and wiped out whole villages. I can totally believe that. Worst part was when two chryssalids had cornered Daniel. I'm used to seeing him in danger, but this time, I really thought he wouldn't make it out. And in the end he "just" got hit by an exploding car. And later by a chryssalid. Twice. He's out again for weeks. That guy drives me crazy! First time ever, actually, that I saw what this weird storm can do that the codexes create. I am intensely happy that we always pulled out of it before it did... that ... to us. I'm not even sure what it does, but the woman's scream was painful.

In the end, we got lucky. Daniel survived the poison thanks to the evac, we could destroy the mec immediately and the rest of the Advent troop right after that, and the chryssalids and faceless went down fast, too. We got civilians out of that village, if only a few. But I'm not sure we should rely on that kind of luck.

Episode 31, 22.2.16

This was my first mission with the neat new gun I got a few days back. I loooove that thing! It's much lighter than the other rifles, there's hardly any rebound, and ... well, it's just neat. I even don't mind the colour, the one before was worse.

We had to get some device from a train. Things went well, we started in a good position and got a lot of hits right away. My position wasn't very good, ground level and far behind. I would have preferred something to stand on. But honestly, if someone would have made a movie out of that mission, no one would believe it because it went so smoothly. As close as fun as we get these days.

What worries me is the new guy, with his psi abilities. We are in too deep here. I saw what this power can do, I felt it. I don't think it will do us any good to open a soldier's mind to a force that we don't understand. Who can be sure that the guy will not be part of a larger network now, with sectoids watching us through his eyes?

Episode 32, 23.2.16

(quietly, occasionally sniffing)  
This mission was everything that could go bad. First we took our sweet time to get in perfect position for two codexes and an andromedon. While we were at it, we found an Advent squad with a mec. And two patrolling soldiers. And a viper with another andromedon. So when the mine finally exploded, a dozen enemies turned towards us. And that again caught the attention of another squad, which had something Luce called a sectopod - another robot, huge, heavily armed, hard to kill.

We were in so much trouble, and I had a very good view of it. I also had a very good view of Naomi getting killed. The andromedon crushed her. I watched it. Nothing any of us could have done. Maybe if we all would have concentrated our fire on that one andromedon, and hit it, maybe then. But that doesn't really matter. She's dead. I liked her, a lot, with her stupid cigar and her hat.

(sigh)

From Naomi's death on it was only a question of getting out alive, screw the supplies. We waited too long and advanced too far, and we paid the price. Even though Luce finally managed to hack a mec and take control. Under other circumstances, he would talk about nothing else for two weeks.

Polo is back in medbay. He says he'll probably just give up his regular quarters and move in there permanently. We nearly lost him, too.

(pause)

I should be more careful. Liking people weakens me, I learned that a long time ago. Why do I fall into this trap over and over again on the Avenger?

Episode 33, 24.2.16

Another sectopod, right in the middle of the city. I've never seen them there before. They are either very new or very rare, because people would have talked about a fifteen feet high walking robot. I would prefer "very rare", I admit.

Andrew's coming along really great. He's been a good shot from day one, but now he's absolutely amazing. I wish I was half as good as him with a gun. And he with his glasses in the rain. I'm so glad he's on our side.

I was a bit distracted by my wanted poster on the news column. I need to get a new hairband. But I'm not too worried, the reward for information on me is far too low. Although I didn't like the "to be taken alive for dissection" part...

Episode 34, 25.2.16

(raging)

Quaint. Juuuust quaint.

I appreciate that the Commander himself tried to cheer us up. He even said he'd been pushing me too hard. But that's not true. The truth is, I failed. Badly. And I don't even know why. I went into that mission with nothing to distract me. There was no rain, no snow, no darkness, no smoke. I have taken better shots from worse positions. But today, I failed, and because of that, the mission failed.

I just can't cope with that. I will ask the Commander to assign Nora for the next mission. Right now, I'm useless. I shouldn't get a promotion, I should be ranked back down to squaddie and taken through basic training until I can hit a fucking mec again.

Episode 35, 26.2.16

I must admit that I was very worried about this mission. After failing so badly last time, that's probably no surprise. Took me a while to realize that I actually had expected the Commander to kill me. Like the advents did with those in the orphanage who didn't pass the tests. Ridiculous, I know. But it seems it takes more than half a year on the Avenger to really shake off everything that happened in the years before.

We had a bad spot to start, lots of trees in the way. Now there are considerably less trees. Since we weren't in a hurry, things didn't get too crazy too early, like last time. That was good. But we got another new enemy, a floating ball. Yeah, it looks as weird as it sounds. Unfortunately, it's also heavily armed and very difficult to hit. Apparently it is something like a mechanized sectoid. I hated the sounds it made, some high-pitched whining. Horrible.

We spent about half the mission hunting one chryssalid. I wonder if the Commander hates these things to be so after even a single one.

The Commander now calls me Polman. The others are already taking bets which name I get called next time.

Episode 36, 27.2.16

Those missions where we have to save resistance camps... they are getting dangerous. I mean, especially dangerous. On one hand, we have to advance fast in order to save as many civilians as possible. On the other hand, with the enemies we have on the battlefield now, fast advances are suicidal. And I admit that I rather let a dozen civilians die than one of my squadmates.

Well, we survived. The aliens have really evolved to be so fucking fast. I admit that I didn't always know what was actually going on up front. And then yet another new enemy came. I first thought it was some kind of codex-mimic beacon, but it was a bit too brutal for that. It was moving so rapidly that I lost track of it more than once, and it had the sectoid mind tricks up its sleeve. I think by now nearly each one of the squad has been taken over at least once. Though Daniel said that it actually hurt him being controlled, while I just felt... at peace.

Episode 37, 27.2.16

Good thing Polo taught all of us a bit of German, because we took that experimental guy with us, Sebastian something. I won't lie, I tried to keep an eye on him all the time, and have him within range. I don't trust him yet. Yes, I know he's one of us. But dunking him in sectoid blood or whatever they did in their laboratories isn't the smartest thing.

Episode 38, 28.2.16

Well, you can say what you want about us, but we *do* blow things up thoroughly! I was very impressed how the guys destroyed every kind of cover the Advents found. Drawing in one pod at a time worked well for us. That was a nice change from the last missions. Although I still hear the thump-thump from the sectopod in the back of my head. Those things are still pretty intimidating.

Robert, Kannibale, Dog and I are currently betting if the Commander will ever call any one of us by our first names. He's on first-name basis with "TomTom" and "Johnnyboy", so it might hap- ouch! (scuffling, male voice in the background) ouch! okay okay! I'll delete it! Ow!

Episode 39, 28.2.16

Richard Smith! I can't believe it, we captured Richard Smith! That's awesome. I mean, that guy is a celebrity! I always loved watching his speeches on screen, because it meant a break from training and classes.

Wow.

Maybe I can get his autograph!

(pause)

I remember that three of my unit were singled out... maybe a year ago? To become his bodyguards. They were happy about it. It was great honor, and they finally got out of the orphanage for special training.

I wonder if they still are… **were** his bodyguards today.

(pause)

(quieter) Their bodies should be over in storage. I could maybe go over and… I don't know. I'm not sure I want to know that truth.

I remember their names.

Episode 40, 29.2.16

Another mission, another street in ruins. With the amount of collateral damage we do, it's no wonder that Advent can easily recruit more people against us.

It's amazing how one single bad decision can turn the whole battle. We were knocking away on that one last andromedon, and would have gotten the intel and out of there without any problems. And then, boom, a gatekeeper and three codexes. The first codex was no problem, but these gatekeeper things? Nasty. If we hadn't been able to take control of the andromedon shell and put it in the line of fire... that would have been bad. As it is, it was bad enough.

I'm a bit worried about Mayu. His aim is really shitty since he got this special training. I wonder if they did something that damaged his eyes. Or his brain.

Episode 41, 29.2.16

I'm SO pissed right now! I can't ... I mean, yeah, not really pissed. Not pissed-pissed, just... somewhat pissed.

Ugh.

So, the Commander noted my kill count when we returned from the mission. And I joked around that I would be expecting presents. Now the guys insist that the kill count isn't the final number, because I first have to make amends for each and every missed shot. So my count is much lower than 109.

I honestly can't believe that!

Okay, I'm not really pissed. I was flattered that the commander noted the kill count, but in the end, it doesn't really matter. I mean, everyone can sit on a roof and kill advents with a hightech gun.

Although, to be fair - of course I'm the best!

Episode 42, 1.3.16

I liked the new approach on this mission - ignore the enemy and go straight to where we need to be. Bad luck all around. But at least the Commander let me stick with the squad and I didn't have to sit at the other side of the world trying to hit a target by directions only.

Things got wild after we destroyed the relay. But we made it out, so - all's good.

Episode 43, 2.3.16

This was a really, really strange mission. Right after touchdown we all noticed that smell, like... I don't know. I have never smelled something like this. Like ... hot metal, and flowers. And there were these purple-blue sparks in the air, but floating and not disappearing. They fizzled when they touched my skin.

It was simply beautiful how we got through the first ten yards. Killed a chryssalid, then killed an andromedon and two archons on overwatch. That felt really good.

We ran into several codexes. I actually don't know if we split any of them except the first. Not that they gave us much trouble, mind you. With gatekeepers and sectopods and this glitchy superfast bastard a while back, codexes just aren't that scary any more. Though the chryssalids were pretty awful simply because there were so many. I don't know, maybe it's... migration time for them? Breeding season?

I might have to apologize to Sebastian. I mean, Hammer. He's a really good guy and I start to believe that he won't turn against us. At least, not more than any other of the squad already got turned against us one time or another. And his mind tricks are getting extremely valuable during a mission.

The science team went crazy about this portal we found. A gateway, leading to who knows where. So who came up with the name "gatekeeper" before we actually found that gate? That person might be in for a questioning...

I wish the Commander would put Daniel in one of the new suits. He'd look really hot.

Episode 44, 3.3.16

Right, first: whoever gave Aeneas this really nifty suit should get him out of it NOW. If he can catch him, that is. Honestly, Pious is at least... fifty. He's old. He shouldn't play stupid tricks on people any more!

But to be fair, I have seen a lot of really impressive things before I came aboard, but this definitely is one of the top ten. I just hope he doesn't accidentally walk through one of the outer walls of the ship!

(sigh)  
It was a pretty messy mission this time. Started off easy with "just" three archons and an andromedon, but things got nasty when we hit a gatekeeper on the roof without preparation, and in the end it was a last-minute standoff against three mecs and a few advents. We could have done with a second mimic then. But hey, at least nothing new. So far, new enemies were always a bad sign.

I got face to face with an archon, that was quite interesting. Never really thought about it, but those jets on their back create quite some heat. And their blood stinks awefully. A few drops hit my face and it is simply impossible to scrub the stench off.

Episode 45, 5.3.16

They nearly had us. I don't know what they did and how they did it, but somehow the aliens sent a UFO to shoot us down. Most of the people on board survived the impact, but there's a high two-digit number of broken bones. We grabbed what we could reach and ... well. Did what we always did. Saved the day, the Avenger, our own spines.

I didn't do too well. The area was not good for snipers. (laugh) Well, at least until we removed half of the forest. But Nora managed to earn herself a promotion, at least something.

It was weird. While we got down, with sirens and shouting and screams, I was afraid. Not of dying, I learned long ago that death is the end of all pain and suffering. I was afraid of getting caught alive, of having to stand in front of Advent and explain why I stayed with XCOM, why I didn't kill the Commander and die - (quietly) as intended.

I know very well what Advent does to traitors and rebels. I watched more than one execution as a child.

Yet, when we got out of the Avenger, when we started fighting... I wasn't afraid any more. I was safe, I *knew* I was safe because my brothers in arms were all around me. (laugh) I was more worried of getting hit by lightning than by an Advent or alien unit.

(pause)

How do I feel? Happy. Healed. It's like... they took my home when I was nine years old, and today... how do I say it? Today I defended my home, and my family. And no one died.

I'll talk to Mayu and Daniel. They need to have a bullet ready for me if they ever have to leave me behind on a battlefield.

Episode 46, 5.3.16

Well, one thing's for sure, I am not invulnerable. That fucking andromedon kicked my perch away from underneath me and I sprained my ankle when I tried to land anywhere but in that toxic soup on the ground. Still, could have been worse. I landed on my feet and not my face, to start with.

I was pretty worried during the mission. Things looked really, really bad for a while. The fact that I had to hack this stupid relay wasn't even the worst part, though I really wonder what the Commander hoped to achieve there. We didn't even move a lot during the whole mission, the aliens Just. Kept. Coming! When the faceless ran towards Daniel and me, and I couldn't get away in time... funny, with everything else that happened, *that* was the scariest moment for me. Though the bad hit on Andrew scared me, too.

I like the new armor, though. It feels nice, hadn't expected that when I first saw it. Walking through that wall was... yeah. Well. I understand why John's so happy with the suit. You've got this buzzing around you, and everything looks like the air on a hot day. You actually don't see much of the inside of the wall because of that, but there is this feeling of pressure just beyond the suit... Oh fuck, it's hard to describe. You see with your body and feel with the suit, something like this. But it does screw up my vision enough to miss enemies. I should tell that to Shen so she can see if she can remove that side effect.

And I need to scrounge a mimic beacon to check how I look in the suit. Not a single mirror on this ship survived the crash.

Episode 47, 5.3.16

There's one downside of the new armor: I look like a beacon in the night. Ohhh yes, I always wanted to be a bright blue target on the top of a roof during a war. The armor might be fancy and useful, but before we go onto the next nighttime mission, I'll definitely cover up the blue lines with tape. I look like a traffic sign.

I also want a shirt. Hunting chryssalids through the Arctic without proper gear, what does the Commander expect to happen? We are all freezing our asses off if we can't set things on fire.

Episode 48, 6.3.16

(tired) What a night. One of those run-and-gun missions. Barely time to reload, enemies from all sides and Central shouting in our ears. Honestly, we should take that guy out with us once so he can see that we aren't bored during a mission.

But we did it, again. Somehow. John's talking about his god and how it's all "meant to be". I really can't believe that. I think we are a lucky bunch with very good weapons and a lot of experience as a squad. José and Daniel are really deadly as a team! Throw in Slinger with a gun and we can get out of nearly everything.

I could do without Jasmine, though. She didn't panic, that's the nicest thing I can say about her today. I'd rather have Luce with us, and I don't even like him.

(sigh) The Commander called me Nora tonight. Remind me again why I don't kill him?

Episode 49, 7.3.16

Hey, I saw a UFO! I heard about those things, from the liber-... invasion... but never saw one. It actually felt really familiar, it looked a lot like parts of the orphanage. That was a funny feeling. I constantly expected the speakers to crackle, or a summon. All it was missing was the smell of the disinfectant they used.

Somehow the squad was totally wrong there. It felt like I was daydreaming, mixing up past and present. I remember how the floor grids hurt my feet when we had to stand to attention. How the lights got dimmed whenever a sectoid commander came to select the next "specials". Days and weeks in Solitary, not as punishment, but as a way of normal treatment. Only when I listen to the others talk about their pasts do I really see how different mine is. I actually don't know if they can tell that my stories about my family and childhood are lies. No one has called me out so far, so, well. Maybe they believe me.

I so much did NOT want to stay close to that damned UFO. Yes, I was excited to see one, but afterwards... I suppose they just repurposed a UFO to be used as the orphanage, and built around it. (sigh) I'm edgy. Nothing to do with the mission, that was perfect. But I managed to NOT think of the past for so long, and suddenly all these memories come back. Daniel quoted someone a while ago, while we were debriefing after one of the failed missions. He said that regret is the most destructive force in the world, or something like that.

(huff) Yeah. I agree. I have a lot to regret.

Episode 50, 8.3.16

Things are heating up. I have the feeling that the Commander is pushing us toward some kind of important goal, some all-deciding battle. I might be wrong, of course. My tactics usually are restricted to walking around a tree that blocks my sight.

The new gadget Shen plopped onto my rifle shocked us a bit. I think even the Commander was somewhat excited. I have gotten used to seeing the rangers, especially Daniel, kill enemies with one shot, but that today was a whole new level of awesome. I asked Shen about the gadget, and she tried to explain it to me. I had to write it down, because I couldn't remember what she said even after the third time.

(shuffling paper) She said that this sudden death was because of, and I quote, "simply put, a currently randomized post-penetrational high-velocity projectile fragmentation".

(pause)

(crumpling paper) Yeah. Maybe I shouldn't have asked.

The squad said that now they'd expect me to one-shot every enemy. That's just great. You get lucky a few times and suddenly everyone expects you to be a serial killer!

Sebastian's mind tricks are getting pretty deadly. That worries me a bit, but not seriously. I just hope he never has nightmares. Although watching Andrew shoot advents right into the balls might give him some!

The others are all talking about the person we rescued, about who it might be and why he was in that suit. Personally, I don't care. If it's important, we will find out soon enough.

Episode 51, 9.3.16

I really hate those missions where we have barely enough time. I mean, why don't they tell us earlier what's up, and drop us off closer to the target? There is probably a good reason for it, but it pisses me off. Running through some slums without proper preparation or time to get into position, that will get one of us killed one day. I could have ripped Bradford's face off when he smartassed us out of his cozy command center while my squad got poisoned and burned alive!

(crash)

(male voice in the background)

No, I'm NOT going to calm down!

I'm going to the range. I need to kill something!

Episode 52, 10.3.16

(groan) What a day. For a while it was really tight, and even if the Commander griped about using our Mimic so early - better than losing one or two from the squad. Although we could have used a second one ten minutes later... It's never fun storming a building that is crawling with aliens and advents. At least we weren't under time pressure this time.

(laugh) John said that I shouted my last entry so loud that Bradford must have heard me in the Command Center and kept his mouth shut this time as much as possible. I'll probably have to apologize. Luce lectured me about "the proper respect a subordinate has to show command", and even though I didn't understand all the words he used, I understand the meaning. In the orphanage I'd have been dissected or worse ten minutes after saying something like that, even in private.

Well, I learn new social skills every day.

Episode 54, 12.3.16

Oh, that was a sweet mission! Textbook even. No funny solo tours into the middle of alien pods, no setting on fire of squadmates' positions. We pulled the pods in, destroyed them and advanced together. Even though nearly all of us missed shots - Shen's sudden death device saved us a few times quite nicely. I'm not sure the Commander totally understands how "line of sight" works. Hammer's mind tricks are becoming a really reliable part of a mission now. Where Kannibale is the one who's pushing us and leading, Sebastian's somehow our psychological fallback position, always calm and relaxed.

(laugh) I wish Kannibale was as good with his gun as with his grenade launcher. When I mentioned that, in different words, he started talking about "baseball" and tried to explain the rules to me. I'm not totally sure where grenades figure in, but apparently we agreed to play baseball once the Avenger lands in a suitable spot.

Episode 55, 14.3.16

Why is it that we take out a facility, extremely well guarded and hidden away, without any problems, and whenever we try to get a few cans of tuna, shit gets real? Daniel ruled the show, though. That man is an army all by himself. I love watching him! But honestly, I start to dread supply runs more than anything by now. Having to fight two pods without ammo is not what I dream of at night!

Dreams. Strange concept. People start talking about their "dreams", what they plan to do once XCOM won. Their idea of peace ranges from "having children" to "pissing on every advent corpse I find". Most just want to settle down somewhere, rebuild the human governments, write their memoires. I've got the feeling many wish they could recreate the Before instead of something new. It's like they don't trust themselves to make things work without copying what worked before.

I don't know what I want. Right now, I just concentrate on training, on the next mission, on getting better. I don't think I can deal with an "afterwards". What is there for me? Either continue living this lie, tell everyone I was part of XCOM - or a war trial and execution as traitor. Although that last bit could happen to me no matter which side wins.

(laugh)

I'm so screwed.

Episode 59, 18.3.16

(whispering)  
I am recording this in medbay. It's half past two in the morning, the nurse won't give me any painkillers any more until half past three, and I can't even get up and get them myself. So I figured I might pass the time.

I got hit by an andromedon, burnt right through my cover and along my back. The doc says I'll be up again in a while, but until then I can only sleep on my belly and every single fucking movement hurts. Urgh. I was so happy to go on a mission again, after sitting around for days and days while the others were sent out. And now the doc tells me that I'm lucky if I my back muscles aren't permanently crippled!

It didn't really hurt that much while we were out there, but as soon as I hit the floor on Firebrand, I... well. I'm pretty sure the other two won't tell anyone, so why should I. It wasn't pretty.

Once we heard that only the three of us – Mayu, John and I – would be on the mission, there was quite an uproar. Is this some kind of test? Or did Sebastian screw up one of his mind-tricks and drive the Commander nuts?

We all got some new gear so everyone could do his targeting via directions and stay concealed for a while. Not as satisfying as killing something outright, but safer in the long run. It's concerning how much I have come to depend on a large squad. Am I simply adapting or am I losing my edge? "Take out human leaders behind the enemy lines in secret" certainly doesn't work with grenadiers...

Well. I heard our mission was a success. There seem to be riots everywhere, death and destruction. Congratulations, XCOM. You managed to plunge us into another war, 20 years into the past.

Episode 60, 19.3.16

This was it. The big battle, the last stand. And we survived. Even more, we **won**. I didn't expect it. When I got called out of medbay, given a few injections and a handful of painkillers on the road... I expected to die. And now... everything's changed. Apart from medbay. We are nearly all back again, high as fuck on some funny drugs. I like that. I am afraid of remembering.

They sent the Commander with us – should I say, he led us? Somehow, anyways, with this freaky avatar body. Gave me half a heart attack every once in a while, seeing him move around us. He got lucky that we didn't shoot him by accident! And that thing was utterly useless, until the Commander started using the mind-tricks. Couldn't hit a muton from three feet away with a gun, but took control of everything. That was good.

John got hit hard and went down. He will live, but it was a matter of minutes. Without the painkillers, I might have cared more about it at that time. Flying Buddy saved us, just in time. That was a very tight spot, and I didn't like it one bit.

Then we actually had to run around this facility like some nitwits to find out where some sounds came from. Total waste of time. It didn't improve our mood, that's for sure.

And suddenly there were two avatars, one for us and one for them. Those things scare me. Unpredictable, insanely powerful, fucking quick. I hate them. And as if that wasn't bad enough, things got crazy after we killed the avatar. After we killed the **first** avatar, I should say. I lost track of all the andromedons, mutons, avatars, mecs and other shit we suddenly had coming towards us.

We lost Andrew then. First a viper pulled him into Sebastian's rift, and then he got pinned down. Nothing any of us could have done. Even if he hadn't been badly hurt by the rift, the mec would have killed him. And yet... it hurt so much. It hurt hearing him scream, and then seeing his blood all over. Seeing the bits that -

(pause)

I think around that time the painkillers I took after I was shot started to hit. At least I hope that was it, because otherwise I might have phased out from shock in the middle of a battle. Things got really, really trippy for a minute there. And when I got out of that phase, there was so much shit in front of us that I really wished I was back in the orphanage. Let's try ... mutons, berserkers, andromedons, an avatar, a gatekeeper and a few faceless. Yup. It was as bad as it sounds. And yet we crawled out of it **again**. And again. And again. We all were so tired and stressed out, and no relief, no support, not even Central telling us something encouraging. Okay, to be fair, Central is never encouraging. But still, we all could have done with **something** at that point! And the aliens kept coming and coming. They just didn't stop. After a while they had to literally wade through the corpses of their fallen.

Even worse, the rest of the battle was fought all around Andrew's corpse. We saw him at every move, during every shot. I know that some armies have a policy of taking their dead with them, but to be honest, I could have done with leaving him behind and not seeing his face all the time. And it took a long, long time to kill the last avatar. I was useless at the end. Either my gun was empty, I missed my shots or couldn't shoot because I had to get away from the codex rifts. But John killed the last avatar, and the rest of the aliens just dropped to the ground. Wish we had known that earlier.

Then we had to get back to that portal. Lost the Commander there, he kept the gate open so we could get through. But not really him, his avatar... At least he's still around on the Avenger, so it was just the avatar. I don't know what happened afterwards. Most of us were barely conscious when we came through the portal.

That was... five days ago? Six? People tell me that the war is in full swing again. XCOM is on every frontline. We all expect to be out soon again. It's something, I think. Some more time to think about the future. At least for a while I still know what to do. It's war. War never changes.

 _I had a blast roleplaying Jahana, even though I had created her to be an alien VIP and to have one appearance. Seeing her as a squaddie in the first video was a bit of a shock, and everything that came afterwards was simply mind-blowing. I enjoyed the interaction with you guys, your encouragement and praise. That was you! First time ever I had fans ;)  
_

 _Since I got asked frequently: no, I do not intend to submit a new character for season 2, nor do I intend to roleplay one. I had my limelight, it's time to get others on the stage. It wouldn't be fair and I would always be measured on the pretty high-set bar of Jahana's diary._


End file.
